“If God meant for us to carry baggage around, he would have made our skin have little pouches like kangaroos” ― Rachel Van Dyken
Ever wonder why you probably have less success in your attempts to influence others than you’d like? There are probably two reasons here.
The first is the secret that most of us don’t realize, that we have more influence through our passive indirect behaviors than we do with our active direct behaviors, as I mentioned here.
The second reason is another Dirty Little Secret.
Have you also ever noticed that there are times when you act a certain way or react to circumstances in a certain way, most often in a defensive or avoidance mode for self-preservation? You probably have a very good idea why you do it (and want to keep that a secret, too).
You probably have also observed others whose responses in certain circumstances are driven by protective or defensive behaviors (when they think that they are keeping it a secret).
The reason: Some People have Baggage. But that is not a secret. Nor is it THE Dirty Little Secret.
You no doubt have observed that a lot of people you interact with have baggage (for instance, odd Uncle Harry, or weird Aunt Alice). But then there are those you think just seem to have it all together.
Nope. They don’t.
Consider the following:
-Some people who appear to have it all together, just have really small baggage:
-Others carry a bit more, but maybe a bit discretely:
-Then there are those who are more casual about the baggage they have:
-While others have finally reached the point of needing effort to pull it behind them:
-But then there are some who will need additional hands to deal with their baggage:
-Or those that really have enough baggage to need some extra space:
-But there are rare cases you might know where someone needs professional help:
-And finally, there are those who seem to be beyond help:
The reality is, that secret you were trying to keep secret: everybody already knows.
But the Dirty Little Secret that nobody realizes is Fundamental Principle 15:
Everybody Has Baggage – Absolutely Everybody
It is this personal baggage that influences our Practiced Behavior, not only affecting those situations where we are actively trying to influence others (spouse, parenting, network, managing, leading), but those situations where we are unaware that we are passively influencing others.
Two following questions: Where does this baggage come from? And, how do you deal with it?
That’s a discussion for next time.